No one wakes up one morning and decides to lose themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At least, I don’t believe most people do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think we drift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Little by little.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Subtly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And because it happens so slowly, we often don’t notice it until years later when we look around and wonder how we got here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’ve come to believe that when we enter this world, we are at our purest state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But authentic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Curious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Talkative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sensitive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sneaky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bubbly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Creative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some of those qualities are celebrated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Others have our hands slapped and are quickly hidden away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over time, we learn what parts of ourselves are acceptable and which parts are not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And without even realizing it, we begin to drift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No one told me to change my accent when I moved to the United States.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No one told me that I had to fit in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No one rejected me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I wanted to make things easier for my friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn’t want to constantly repeat myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so, slowly and subtly, I adapted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of life happens this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not with a loud announcement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not with fireworks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Subtly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Until one day you wake up and you’re thirty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or forty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or fifty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And you no longer recognize the person you’ve become.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I used to wonder how someone could be married for fifty years and then suddenly walk away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I judged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Until life taught me something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How dare I judge someone whose story I haven’t lived?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How dare I assume I would make different choices if I had been given their circumstances?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their childhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their trauma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their disappointments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The truth is, we don’t know the weight people are carrying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And if life has taught me anything, it’s this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grace is necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not because people should escape accountability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But because most people are simply doing the best they can with the hand they’ve been dealt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I try to bring that same philosophy into my work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t believe in throwing people under the bus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t believe in toxic environments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t believe fear brings out the best in people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There can be accountability without shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Correction without humiliation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Performance without sacrificing our humanity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And perhaps that’s because I understand something now that I didn’t understand before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We all drift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some drift into perfectionism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some drift into people pleasing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some drift into anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some drift into anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some drift into burnout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some drift so far that they no longer recognize themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But drifting isn’t failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s part of being human.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the beautiful thing about drifting is that if we can drift away, perhaps we can drift back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many people call this shadow work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Others call it healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Others call it self-awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don’t get too hung up on the words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To me, it simply means returning to the parts of yourself that you buried in order to survive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The parts that learned to stay quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The parts that learned to perform.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The parts that learned to keep the peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The parts that learned to suppress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because suppression doesn’t make things disappear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It simply sends them underground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And like roots beneath the surface, they continue to grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For me, writing has been one of the greatest tools in this journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is something healing about putting pen to paper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
About sitting quietly with yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
About asking:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who was I before I learned who I was supposed to be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What did I love?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What brought me joy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What parts of me still exist today?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What parts did I leave behind?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And perhaps the most beautiful discovery is this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They never really went away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They’re still there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not demanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just waiting to be acknowledged again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As someone who spent much of her life performing, I’ve learned that I extend grace very easily to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But for many years, I rarely gave that same grace to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt guilty resting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt guilty slowing down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt guilty putting myself first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And yet, rest is not selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rest is not laziness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rest is not failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rest is part of being human.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And perhaps that’s what I want to leave you with today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you’ve drifted, don’t panic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of us have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And if you can drift away from yourself, you can also find your way back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Slowly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Subtly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After all, that’s how most transformation happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not overnight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But one quiet step at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Until next time,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stay anchored.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2693<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
How We Slowly Lose Ourselves No one wakes up one morning and decides to lose themselves. At least, I don’t believe most people do. I think we drift. Little by little. Subtly. And because it happens so slowly, we often don’t notice it until years later when we look around and wonder how we got … <\/p>\n